Before I ramble too far, I just wanna say Happy New Year to you, I wish you all the best anddddddd I hope you can be as bad as you wanna be!!! Ok, now that’s out of the way, let me get on with what I want to say…
If you been following me last year you would of realised I changed the look of the blog, I also took down the Jake videos, sorry to those of you were following but if you want to see the rest feel free to bring a flash drive to my home and get them. You would of also realised that I stopped blogging, now I’m here on it checking, the last one was actually in June/July, it felt longer than that to me though. Why did I stop? It didn’t feel right. I am online daily, so it’s not that I did not have access to the net or the time to blog, I actually started following more blogs than I ever have before, it just didn’t feel right.
The catalyst for this change was really a breakup with my last girlfriend in early summer 2008. We were together for about 18 months yet it was clear to me that she did not know me. I do not think it was due to her lack of interest in me or bad memory, I believed it to be all at me which I still believe to this day. I started to think back about persons in my life that consider themselves close to me yet they know very little, even basic stuff. I would like to believe that if you consider yourself close to me you should at least know I have a brother or a sister, so how can you not know I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters? Again, no fault of my friends, I remembered having my own personal line in my bedroom, if you did not get me it would just go to voicemail. If you called that number for an entire high school life, I guess some people would not think to assume I have brothers and sisters. I never talked about them, I never went anywhere with them, but funny enough, we were probably seen together. We don’t behave like siblings in public, nothing planned, it is just how we are. We speak about each other’s house and friends and parents as if we lived in seperate homes, so to any listening ear… why would they assume we are siblings? Ok I’m rambling…
My point is this, how secretive am I? How closed am I to people and do I give people a fair chance to get to know me. I believe not. It has nothing to do with the time spent with me, what we do together or what we talk about. I have concluded that me being open with a person is tied intricately into how much I want that person to be a part of my life. There is a difference between accepting you are a part of my life and wanting you to be a part of my life. In other words, if you stop speaking to me, will it phase me? If the answer is no, you can be pretty sure that you do not really know me like you think you do.
How is this tied into blogging? Well… if I aware that there are people in my life that consider me a friend, or more accurately “their boy” then maybe it is my bad to continue this perception. My 2009 resolution was “To be True to Myself” and what did I need to do or say that would, help me keep this resolution. Truth be told, there are some people out there that believe because you make them laugh regularly that they are now your friend, quite the opposite. Being seen as someone else’s entertainment, especially someone you consider a friend, does not give me a good feel, blogging makes up part of that entertainment, I hope you get it.
So why am I blogging now? I still have many thoughts, many “entertaining” stories but what I am going to change for now is that, I will get a little more personal and lot less random, I hope you enjoy!